:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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