Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
