Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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