Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
