Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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