I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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