well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
accomplished twins. life is a go
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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