I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
