I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
