We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
