Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
