I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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