Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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