this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
