you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
