why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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