i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I lost the right to judge tonight
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize