Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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