I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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