I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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