he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
