is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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