I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
