it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
