Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
