I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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