Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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