I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
