I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
