WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
