First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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