I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
