let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
