Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
