Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
