when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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