Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
