I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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