I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
