awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
