ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
