I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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