Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
