.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
