You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
