One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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