I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
