I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm passing your future prison.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
