You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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