We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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